


Nothing Left to Lose..

by cndrow



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, Fluff, POV First Person, alternate first confessions, bonus artwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cndrow/pseuds/cndrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hancock has a personal question for his friend- why isn't she wearing her wedding ring anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Left to Lose..

It was finally here: the moment of truth, the moment I'd spent the last several months anticipating. My hand shook as I reached up, my fingers curling as I delicately turned my wrist, enjoying the immediate wash of sound. Closing my eyes, I waited ten breaths before reaching lower-  
  
The water was so hot I jerked my hand back.  
  
With a loud whoop I jumped up, flinging my arms around Hancock to squeeze him close. " _We did it!_ " I nearly shouted, my words broken by rapid laughter. His thin hands hugged me back, rumbling a laugh in my ear.  
  
" _You_ did," he drawled, drawing back to smile in bewilderment. "You're the one who kept that pretty nose buried in all those books you nicked from the library."  
  
I beamed proudly- it had been rough, learning something that would've been so simple in my Life Before, especially without Nate there to nudge and offer advice. But, Hancock had been just as much a part of the process as I, listening patiently as I screamed and cursed and explained, and not once had complained about scavenging for parts and slotting them all together over and over until it worked. "I seem to remember you staying up late to stop the plumbing leaks plenty of times, y'know."  
  
He grinned, shrugging lightly, and I just shook my head. It was better to pick your battles with Hancock, easing around the self-depreciating comments with gentle words and touch. The rush of water filtered back into my consciousness and I let go of my friend to kneel by the bath, plunging my grimy arms into the hot water and shivering in delight.   
  
"I'll leave ya to it," Hancock chuckled, scuffing a boot against my leg before wandering out of the small bathroom. I tilted my head, smiling when I heard the heavy footfalls end shortly after rounding the corner and the slight squeak of a wooden chair that he favoured nearby. So, not quite leaving me alone, but allowing some privacy. Perfect. I actively disliked having Hancock not in the immediate area, something I'd been working hard to suppress. If the Wasteland had taught me anything in half a year of living in it, it was to never lay claim to something that wasn't yours. In this world, everything and everyone was precious and fought over, and getting too attached could land me in a lot of pain- the type of pain I was still carrying after Nate's death.  
  
_Then again,_  I mused as I began stripping off my stained workclothes,  _it's Hancock's own damn fault for feeling like home. Nick's, too. Lovable bastards._  
  
Gingerly I checked the temperature with a bare foot; the water was steaming, and my toes immediately began tingling. Too hot. I didn't care. With a low, sensual groan I stepped into the tub and sank down, shuddering as my skin reddened immediately.  
  
"That good, huh?" Hancock's voice drifted from the adjacent room. I answered with a louder, dramatic moan and he nearly choked on his laugh.  
  
"Hey, I haven't had a hot bath in over two hundred years," I sighed, wiggling down further into the water until my knees bunched up. "I haven't been this clean, and this  _warm_ , since I went into that damn Vault."  
  
Hancock just chuckled, that deep raspy laugh that meant he was truly amused, and I closed my eyes as I listened. Seconds later there was the hiss of a match, shortly followed by the wafted scent of a cigarette. He wouldn't ever tell me what he loaded them with, avoiding the answer with a wink and a shit-eating grin, but  _damn_ they were good. I was suddenly, acutely aware of how relaxing one would be while surrounded by the penetrating heat of the water- ah, next time. Because there definitely would be a next time, and that thought made me chuff happily.  
  
It was silent for a while after that, which we both appreciated. Hancock was one of the rare people I had met who would enjoy the silence with me. I had drained off a third of the cooling water and refilled it with pure hot before I heard him speak up again.  
  
"I got a question for ya. It's personal, though."  
  
His drawl had gotten more pronounced with the gentle high of his magic cigarettes, but his tone was tense. I sat up, sloshing water over the opposite end of the tub, frowning lightly. "Go ahead. You know I'm an open book to you, Hancock."  
  
Only a second's hesitation, then, "You're not wearing your wedding ring anymore. For three weeks, now."  
  
My brows raised as I stared at my wiggling toes. I hadn't thought he would notice- didn't think anyone would notice, really, but I wasn't all that surprised. Hancock lived his life in the details, caring on a focused individual level. I sighed, sinking back into the water until it came up to my chin.  
  
"Guess that wasn't much of a question," Hancock snorted. "Just wondering why. You don't hafta-,"  
  
"I was four months pregnant when Nate and I were in a car crash," I interrupted, closing my eyes as the memories drifted to the surface. "It wasn't bad, more like adult Bumper Cars at a red light, but it was enough to frighten us both. We were worried about each other, but mostly about our baby; what if something happened to one or both of us? What would happen to Shaun?"  
  
Hancock huffed. "Good question."  
  
"So Nate and I met with a lawyer and had wills drawn up, outlining who Shaun would live with if we were gone." I laughed, remembering the shouting matches before we had finally agreed on my parents as the best candidate for Shaun's care. "We argued for a full week over what to do, but eventually we settled on a plan. We had a lot of paperwork to sign and we were working on it one evening when I caught Nate looking at me, all serious-like. So unlike him." I squinted, frowning as I saw that dour expression again. "I was going to ask him what was wrong, if he had changed his mind, when he came over and knelt by me, took my hands in his, those dark blue eyes so damn serious it scared me."  
  
I swallowed hard, flashes of his words repeating like a broken holotape in my mind as I sorted out what to say next. "He told me, if anything happened to him, that I had to promise to find someone else when I was ready."  
  
"Wha'?"  
  
"That was my reaction," I chuckled. "I didn't really understand at first, but he was adamant about me bringing someone else into the family, another parent for Shaun, another love for myself." I shook my head, biting at my lower lip. "He went on to explain I was a, and I quote, a 'rare treasure of a person' and the world deserved more of me."  
  
Boots scuffed the floor, the chair creaking again as I heard Hancock stand. "Heh, agreed there."  
  
I was already flushed from the heat, but I likely would've at that soft comment. "I laughed it off at the time- now I wish I hadn't, but.. Well. I had forgotten all about that awkward conversation until a few months ago and I spent some time considering it. I.. think he was right. I'll always love him, but he's not a part of my future anymore. He's in the past, and staying there."  
  
Hancock was making slow turns around the room, silent for a moment before replying. "He wouldn't want you mourning him forever, I guess."  
  
"Definitely not," I smiled. "Nate was such a bright, happy person, and he made my life so vibrant. Since he can't do that for me now, I think he'd want me to find someone who could." I breathed in deeply. "And that's the long-winded reason why I'm not wearing my wedding ring anymore. I still have them both, but I keep them stashed here. Maybe I'll get to wear it again someday."  
  
"That's... admirable."  
  
I blinked, confused by the string of short responses. When we talked, Hancock was usually chatty; perhaps it was gravity of the conversation. It was still uncomfortable to think about, but it was getting easier every day. Especially with Hancock around. I sighed, feeling guilty as I pushed to stand and fumbling for a towel. Unplugging the drain, I dried off hastily and tucked the towel around me, the frayed edges barely covering the tops of my thighs as I tore out of the bathroom and stopped just short of smacking into Hancock's chest. His hands came up to steady me, lightly gripping my arms, and a small shiver trilled down my spine. He made to apologise but I spoke over him.  
  
"I lied," I said flatly, watching his expression draw into disbelief. "I did, okay, and I don't ever want to make it a habit. Nate's promise isn't the only reason I'm not wearing my ring."  
  
"A lie by omission?" he asked, arching a brow. He took a step back, but I matched it, determined to remain close. His dark eyes were everywhere but my face. "It's- It's all good, we all have our secrets."  
  
My mouth opened and closed a few times; he had given me a way out, I could shut my trap and nod and let things go back to the way they were. And I could live with that, I truly could, if Hancock didn't routinely touch me with such focused intent. If his eyes didn't roam when he thought I couldn't see him, that tiny smirk belying those 'impure thoughts' he'd mentioned once and denied since. If his voice didn't dip into that gravelly hitched tone when I leaned in to share a cigarette.  
  
"I'm not wearing it because of you," I blurted, straightening my shoulders, pleased his hands hadn't fallen away yet. "Nate's promise was sweet of him, but with or without it, I'd still not be wearing my ring because of you. I've told you before, what we do now, and who we do it with, that's what matters. You're the only reason I can get up some mornings." I clenched my jaw, trying to stop the tirade before it got any sappier. For all I knew about Hancock, I wasn't sure where he fell on the  _soppy declarations of love_  scale, and I didn't want to push my luck.  
  
It was an odd silence between us for a few seconds, but I managed to finally catch his gaze and offer a shy smile. I felt his hand on my arm tighten, thumb rubbing my skin gently, and I nearly melted against him right then.  
  
"...Me?"  
  
The single word was so unsure, it didn't even match his voice. The spell broke and I surged forward, wrapping my arms around his leathery neck as I pressed my face to it. "Of course you," I sighed, my breath hitching when his arms folded gingerly around my waist. "Don't tell me my flirting has gotten  _that_ rusty. Do I need to go through this alphabetically? 'Cause I'll do it."  
  
"No, I got it, I just didn't..." He trailed off, his breathing rapid and shallow against me, and belatedly I wondered if a physical embrace was too much for the moment. I slipped back, catching one of his hands in mine, relieved when I could see he looked bewildered but  _happy_.   
  
"Didn't what?" I prompted, certain I wouldn't like the answer and determined to counter it.  
  
"This kinda thing.. You.." He faltered again, then straightened and stared back at me. "Didn't think it had a place in my life anymore after I turned ghoul."  
  
I snorted, but his black eyes narrowed and I quieted.  
  
"You've seen how we're treated," he said harshly. "Even if you're completely different from those bastards, it hurt too much to hope. And besides," he added with a scoff, "I wouldn't wish me on anybody. Not in  _that_ manner."  
  
I grinned, pressing close again, squeezing his hand. "Good thing I'm not just anybody."  
  
His throat bobbed as he swallowed audibly, his eyes roving over my shoulders and further down before snapping up to mine. "You got that right, sister. But-,"  
  
" _No._ "   
  
His brows shot up, that infuriating small smirk appearing, and I finally, after months of planning and scheming, finally let myself lean in to kiss the corner of his upturned mouth. He sucked in a breath, his hands moving to grip the small of my back, leaving me free to curl my arms around his chest. "New rule," I breathed against his pocked cheek, "any time you try to protest this, Mister Mayor, I'm going to kiss you."  
  
"Harsh." He grinned suddenly, my only warning before I was yanked forward, stumbling together until he twisted and I fell against the bed. Immediately I was caged by his arms, his weight pressing but oddly light. Somewhere in the scuffle the towel must have fallen loose because I could feel patched fabric against my breasts, and then his lips were an inch from mine and I couldn't think of anything else.  
  
A few seconds passed and I peeked up at him, surprised to find him hesitating. "John?"  
  
A shiver passed through him as he sat up, shucking off his jacket and layered shirt with practised ease, and I laughed to myself as I ran my hands up his rough skin, marveling at how warm and alive he felt. More wriggling and pants were discarded before he descended on me again, strangely quiet and returning to staring at me, our faces just inches apart as our bodies slotted and fit together  _oh_ so nicely.  
  
I reached up, dragging my nails down his shoulder blades and he nearly choked, black eyes blowing wide in shock.  
  
"Hey, John- it's okay," I whispered, hugging him close as my eyes drifted half-closed. "It's just me. Just us."  
  
I felt more than heard him repeat, " _Just us_ ," just before his mouth covered mine.

**Author's Note:**

> Artwork by yours truly


End file.
